


Lethe at the Bottom of a Bottle

by Nestra



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-04-29
Updated: 2004-04-29
Packaged: 2017-10-02 07:19:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nestra/pseuds/Nestra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sirius is sent to Azkaban, Remus spends three solid months sincerely dedicated to drinking himself into oblivion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lethe at the Bottom of a Bottle

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Isn't It Iconic? ficlet-a-thon.

After Sirius is sent to Azkaban, Remus spends three solid months sincerely dedicated to drinking himself into oblivion. In his more lucid moments, he makes a list of everything he's trying to forget.

He wants no memory of the look on Dumbledore's face when he came to tell Remus the news -- James and Lily Potter dead, their infant son betrayed by his godfather. He'd be just as happy to forget his immediate desire to attack Dumbledore, to never have imagined what it would feel like to rip out his throat.

He tries not to remember the sound of Sirius' screaming laughter the one time he was stupid enough to visit him in Azkaban. He wondered if Sirius would even recognize him, but Sirius looked up with reddened eyes and whispered "Moony?" before starting to laugh as if his insides were being shredded.

After he gets drunk enough, which usually happens about halfway through the night, the items on the list become less specific. He spends several Firewhiskey-soaked hours attempting to blot out every memory of every night Peter, James, and Sirius followed him into the Shrieking Shack and transfigured themselves as he nervously waited for the wolf to take him over. He remembers only brief flickers of those nights, the feel of snow crunching under his paws, Prongs' big body shouldering him deeper into the Forbidden Forest, Padfoot nipping at his heels, Wormtail perched on Prongs' shoulder. He knows they ran themselves into exhaustion, and every morning he woke up to find that they were still his friends.

And now. Peter dead. James dead. And Sirius...

Only after he empties the bottle can he admit that the memories of Sirius are the worst. Sometimes he considers going to Knockturn Alley to pay someone for a Memory Charm. Someone who can take away every bloody memory of Sirius. Sirius sidling up to him in the Library and saying, "We have a surprise for you next full moon." Sirius laughing himself sick after he and James hexed the chairs in the Dining Hall to run off with their occupants firmly stuck to the seats. Sirius bowing his dark head over a book, unaware of Remus' stare.

And Sirius' mouth. How he loved Sirius' mouth. Smiling at him. Laughing as James shoved a handful of snow down the back of Peter's robes. Repeating spellwords over and over, desperately trying to memorize them before a Charms exam. Slack with startled lust the first time Remus kissed him, and then lovely and alive and eager. Shaping contemptuous words as he tossed insults at Snape. Mouthing along Remus' cheekbone, whispering something inaudible, so that the only thing Remus understood was the feel hot breath on his skin.

When Remus sobers up, he knows that he wouldn't sacrifice those memories for any price, so he tries as hard as he can to stay drunk.


End file.
